It felt like someone punched me in the back of the head and my sinuses instantly cleared and I had a little trouble focusing my eyes and my neighborhood smelled different.

thursday bicycle mystery (in reverse order)

my best friends

I will send this in the morning

1.0003 x 10^4

I took a spur of the moment field trip today. I started driving in the direction of my parents house (a few states away) but I ended up turning north and found my way to the town I was born in and spent my first 9 years. Horseheads. I spent a few hours wandering around, trying to reconcile how it is on the outside with how it is on the inside. The first third of my life is clouded to the point where I'm not even sure if I can trust the life-changing-traumas and the future-shaping-events that I've built myself up from. Where does that leave me? The radio stations played the same music now as they did when I was 8 and in the car with my mom going to the grocery store. Tina Turner, Billy Joel, Police, back to back. a space shuttle had exploded. I drove on the same street I was on when that happened. I parked my car in front of my old house. I hadn't seen it since the eighties. It was brown then, it's tan now. and smaller. Same with the Zurcher's house, and that other kid, that we didn't like. There are apartments now between my neighborhood and airport. There used to only be a cornfield. Virgin fires and the first time in your life when you genuinely think you are going to die.

Then I drove up to my parents summer place, a few more hours away. They were there. So was my grandfather from Texas. Surprise. We took a boat ride and they even accomodated the vegetarian for dinner. I forgot about my second life, and my third for a while. The hills around the fingerlakes were so so green and the water was so so blue. I have turned 0.3% farther than I was aiming, but momentum is a powerful thing.

the desk that I draw on is in another town now

Las' Cow

All I know is that I'm here and it's now

1. Maccaroni and Cheese in the rain

2. Scrapes on arms from drunk tree climbing

3. The chocolate milk of beer vs. the tap water of beer

4. The Accuteness of Minutiae

5. The way the art world really works

6. Tiny Tiny red spiders

7. The red smudge they leave behind when you squish them.

8. A computer keyboard covered in those smudges.

9. Very/Moderately/Kind of -----> Tan/Overweight/Middle-Aged -----> people fill the beaches here.

10. But not when it's raining.

11. Rainbow Road at 4:30 am (biggest acheivement of recent memory).

12. things that make a huge difference
a. Driving partner on trans-state errands
b. Talking on the phone to Cori
c. Being told that I'd be a good boyfriend to someone who is great, though taken, and mostly a lesbian

13. Creepy old gallery guy going on and on about how cute my friend was who came to the opening with me, and telling me I should "go for it."

14. Telling him that I won't let him enter his drawing in the show ("work must have been created in the last 2 years") because it's blatently dated 1973 on the front.

15. And it's of the cast of Bambi singing.

16. Not in the funny and irreverant way.

17. February 1980 -> November 1999 done. December 1999 -> July 2007 to go.

18. A stack of 10,000 index cards is about 9 feet high.

19. Everyday, 4.3 pounds of sunlight hit the earth.

20. My age (in days (in index cards)) weighs about the same as 5 days of sunlight.

21. Photographs as tokens of presence, and as tokens of absence.

22. The post-office at 8:30am

23. The life guard stand at 2am

24. Writing applications essays

25. The growing possibility of leaving CT in a year (though i refuse to commit to anything because I am very very scared)

26. The possibility of going to 6 flags on Tuesday

27. Wearing plaid on the outside because plaid is how I feel on the inside.

Celebrating Genius; and other acts of (civil disobediance/maturbatory disallusion)